Ultimate Blog Party

• For some reason, the image above is not 'clickable' so to learn more about the Ultimate Blog Party, click here. Thank you http://www.5minutesformom.com/ for hosting!

• Welcome, Visitors, to my humble little blog. My readers are very elite (read: a small, but fun, loyal, insightful bunch). My profile pretty much sums it up. I'm married, a stay-home mom of 3 boys. I'm an adult with ADHD and it shows in my blog posts. I do not 'have it all together' although I try like the dickens! My hobbies include jewelry making, reading, knitting (although I'm lousy at it), gardening (not much better at that), and of course blogging. My blog is a continual work-in-progress, but I hope you'll stop by from time to time and say hello.

• I'll keep this post brief because I'm heading back to the 5 Minutes for Mom to check out some other blogs.

• (For some reason blogger is not recognizing my paragraph breaks, so I bulleted it for spacing. Sigh. I'm number 453 on the Ultimate Blog Party.)

I was chatting via "comments" on my last post with Nadine, who is an author. Clearly I have issues with criticism. I also have equally huge issues with positive feedback. Go figure.

I completely agree with Nadine's statement about creating just for the joy of it. On the flip side, isn't art something that's best shared (generally speaking)?

Back when I was in college, I actually resorted to leaving some of my art projects at school - I conveniently managed to be absent - simply because I didn't want to see the grade/comments. Never picked them up. I must've done well enough on them because I got an A in the class.

Perhaps it's less an issue of whether or not I - an uber left-brainer - am capable of being creative and artistic (right-brain traits). Rather, perhaps I've spent so much time over the past 20 years nurturing my left side of the brain and neglected my artistic side. Let's face it, as a former secretary and manager, and as a mother of three, logic, reasoning and organization certainly comes it handy.

But even assuming that I do have a creative, artistic streak, how do I learn to embrace the subjective (art is, after all, highly subjective)? As a left brainer, I'm used to dealing with absolutes, black and white, right and wrong. The numbers either add up or they don't. The sentence is either grammatically correct or it isn't.

How does an author who has already received six rejection letters, muster the strength to send their manuscript to the seventh publisher on their list? I just hate, hate, hate putting myself out there. Even when I worked as a secretary, I hated performance evaluations. I knew I did a good - no, excellent - job, but sitting there across the table from my boss and listening to her say wonderful things about me? Ugh! I'd literally start feeling nauseous days before the review. Dreaded it worse than a trip to the dentist.

So what's the secret recipe to embracing feedback - all feedback? It certainly must include a healthy dose of self-esteem. Mix in an unwavering belief in one's own talent. Perhaps a pinch of "Aw, what does he know, anyway?" Hmmmm....what's missing? :-)

Can a Left Brained Person Be an Artist?

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I’m wondering whether there’s a repressed artist inside of me. (If so, it must be very, very repressed – squashed, practically – since I scored “right brained” on only 2 questions versus 16 for "left brained".) Anyway, is this inner artist something to take seriously, or is it merely my neglected creative side acting up for attention?

So, am I artistic or creative? Hmmm. Tough one. (Setting aside the above-mentioned test results for a moments.)

I took Art in high school and college and did pretty well as I recall, with watercolor, and drawing in pencil and pen & ink. I look back at my college sketchbooks and some of the stuff looks okay, others are sort of amateurish. I’ve generally considered myself to be able to learn the skills, but clueless as to whether I have that “it” that makes one an artist. I haven’t attempted to draw in over 20 years.

Writing. That’s another interest. Can one be a writer without anything to say? That’s a dilemma now isn’t it? I admire folks, like Nadine, who have written a book. In school I earned A’s in composition and writing classes, but let’s face it. The emphasis was on sentence structure, grammar and presenting a persuasive argument. Again, learned skills, but are they necessarily the traits of an artist? (Or my left brain's natural ability to break things down into steps.)

I’d love to take a creative writing class at the community college. I think it would be fun now that it wouldn’t count for anything (i.e. part of my overall grade point average).

Ooh, then there’s jewelry design. I’ve taken classes in lampworking (glass bead making), actual jewelry making (forming precious metal, soldering, stone setting – loved it! But it was expensive and I haven’t been able to find classes locally). Lately, I’ve been playing around with beaded jewelry – you may have seen the photos on my blog before, but here are a few. I’ve never looked into selling anything at craft shows, consignment shops, etc.

About two years ago, I found a watercolor book/kit at Barnes & Noble. Step by step instructions, all materials included, etc. I have yet to put the brush to the paper though. I just can’t take that first step.

Ditto with scrapbooking. I’ve accumulated tons of the stuff (paper, scissors, stamps, die cuts, album, sheet protectors, etc.). I’ve even selected the photos, but again, I can’t just take the plunge.

I think my problem (just one???) is that I hate feedback of any kind. Compliments are just as painful to me as criticism. So perhaps that is what’s squashing the artist within. When it comes to my kids, I have all the answers: art is subjective so what’s pleasing to one person may not be appealing to another; art is a personal expression so it can’t be “wrong” (despite what Mrs. C, Son’s #1’s first grade teacher years ago, said), and so forth.

So how do artists not take criticism (or compliments) personally? Anyone? Bueller?

Right Brained, Left Brained or Scatter Brained?

You’ve heard it before: right brained people are artistic and creative and deal well with shapes, patterns, while left brained people are logical and tend to deal well with numbers and words. But what if you’re not sure which you are? Oh I get the general idea from various personality assessments, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicators and the like, that I am among other things:

* logical,
* detail oriented,
* analytical,
* more of an introvert, than an extrovert
* a collaborator, rather than a leader (Are you yawning yet? I am.)

However, I’m starting to wonder whether there’s a suppressed (repressed?) artist somewhere inside of me. I’ve been perusing a book called Doing Work You Love by Cheryl Gilman (I found it on the $2 table at Barnes & Noble three weeks ago). It’s actually pretty good, but sometimes a little new agey. (The section of consulting a psychic? Uh no, thanks. The section on interview techniques? Better.) So, has it helped me find the work I love? Not exactly, but it has helped me identify the work I hate, so that’s a start.

One of the exercises I liked involved prioritizing. Here’s how it works. First, start by numbering the paper 1 through 10. Next, write thing that’s important to you next to each number. Don’t worry about listing them in any kind of order. Write them as they come to you. Ranking them will come later.

Once you have the 10 things jotted down, compare #1 to #2. Put a check by whichever is more important. Next, compare #1 to #3, then #1 to #4, and so forth. After comparing #1 to #10, move on to #2, comparing it to #3 (remember, it’s not necessary to compare #2 to the one above it, because you already did then when you compared #1 to #2). Don’t forget the check marks. Compare #2 to #4, then #2 to #5, and continue on with the list. When you're finished, count up the check marks for each item.

It was interesting to see which things ended up with the most checkmarks. My final list – now ranked in order of importance – is:

1. Time for my family & friends (no surprise there)
2. Helping/Collaborating with others
3. Creativity
4. Flexibility (this tied with #3)
5. Slightly larger house (higher on the list than I would have thought)
6. Autonomy/not being stuck in one place all day long
7. Exercise more (ok, I just put it on the list because I thought it should be there, not because I necessarily wanted it to be there. Nevertheless, it ranked higher than I expected.)
8. Make decent $
9. Time for volunteering (this was tied with #8. I thought it would’ve ranked higher, actually)
10. Write

These items represent my motivators. It was a neat exercise. Try it if you bored sometime. The results might just surprise you.

By the way, if you're curious as to which side of your brain is dominant, here's a brief online quiz:

http://brain.web-us.com/brain/braindominance.htm

Job or Hobby?

With Son #3 (my baby) starting kindergarten on August 20, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I should do with my time when the boys are at school. The problem is I never figured out what I want to be when I grow up. Getting pregnant in mid-2001 allowed me to defer that decision for five and a half years, but here I am – older, not so much wiser – and I’m starting to feel anxious.

Money is tight – we do okay, but we do skimp. Part of me things it would be good to contribute to our family’s income. My ideal job would:

* Be meaningful and fulfilling
* Allow me to work from 8:30 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. (so I can be home when the kids are)
* Flexible enough that I could take the day off occasionally to chaperone a field trip, volunteer in the classroom, etc.
* Pay me a nice chunk of cash (never mind that I’ve been unemployed for 5 yrs)
* Creative, not boring
* Allow me to be autonomous – in other words, not chained to the desk all day

Yep, I should keep dreaming.

My plan is to not jump into anything right away, primarily to be around while Sons #1 and #3 adjust to their new schools. Son #2 is returning to his same school, and should do just fine. I do hope to use some of alone time to take some little classes – not college courses (two degrees that I’m not using is probably an indication that higher education may not be the wisest investment. How does someone whose major has been pretty much “undecided” her entire life even get accepted into grad school? But I digress…)

Our local crafts store offers classes so my friend and I plan to take Beginning Knitting and Scrapbooking 101. I’m hyperactive – although at my age, I’m more fidgety – so it would be nice to do something with my hands. The classes are very inexpensive and probably only cover the most basic stuff, but it’s ideal for me who often gets bored and doesn’t finish what I start.

Oh, I also hope to take a stained glass class. That should be cool. My neighbor’s sister-in-law owns a stained glass making shop and last year for my birthday, my neighbor gave me a gift certificate for free lessons. I never took advantage of it because I was with Son #3 all day. However, I ran into the sister-in-law last month and she said there’s no expiration on the gift certificates. Yay.

I’d also love to take classes in painting (water color and acrylics), photography, and creative writing.

Gearing Up for Back to School...

As I’ve already mentioned, Sons #1 and #2 return to school on Friday, August 10th. In my opinion, that’s just too early. Even though they get out at the end of May, I think they should wait until at least the 3rd week of August to go back. Don’t even get me started about the fact that they start on a Friday. Sheesh!

Son #3 – the BABY – starts on Monday, August 20th. Now that’s a bit more like it. During the week prior, he and I will be invited to meet his teacher, visit his classroom, tour the school, etc. The teacher will also do an informal assessment of what Son #3 knows. He can count to 100. He can spell his nickname and visually recognize his full first and last name. Although, he still goofs when reciting the alphabet, he can identify every letter of the alphabet and in most cases, he can tell you what sound each letter makes (even those letters, such as G, C, the vowels, etc. that make more than one sound). He’s a pretty sharp cookie – our homeschooling has certainly paid off. I suspect that he may initially be a little ahead of the game academically, but that’s okay. That’ll give him time to focus on developing those much needed social skills. Ahem.

Son #1 is apprehensive. He’ll be starting Junior High (7th grade) at a new school. His social circle is very small and the few friends he hangs out with are going on to different schools. This arch nemesis (Son #1’s words), however, will not only attend the same school, but has the identical schedule. Yikes. To learn more about the arch nemesis – also known as The Bully (my words) – click here and here.

I called the school to set up a tour, hoping that might increase Son #1’s enthusiasm, and I ended up speaking with the principal about the situation between Son #1 and The Bully. She was going to look at their IEPs (Individualized Education Plan – they’re both in the Inclusion Program, hence the identical schedules) and see whether they can be separated for at least a few classes. No guarantees, but I appreciated it. I sent the principal a hand-written thank you note letting her know how much I appreciate her sensitivity to the situation. I can be a kiss up, can’t I? Anyway, the tour is Friday morning.

We’re all set for school. All of the supplies were bought and labeled weeks ago. I have all of their school uniforms in order. The only one who isn’t ready is ME. Especially come August. 20th and which point I’ll probably curl up into a fetal position and sob for two days.

What’s a stay-home mom to do when she has no one to stay home with?

Deena (check out her fun blog, Junk in the Trunk) tagged me several days ago to do the 8 Random Things About Me meme...

Here's how it works:
1. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

Here are my 8 Random Things--
1) I like shopping at home improvement stores as much as I like shopping at the mall.

2) I once repainted the entire kitchen because I wasn't in the mood to clean the stove.

3) I have three boys (which most of you know), but I have never felt a strong yearning for a girl. Of course, if God had so blessed me, I'd be happy, but I've never craved 'pink.'

4) My first - and perhaps favorite - car was a 1976 dark olive green Ford Granada. My dad bought it (used) for my 16th birthday. I drove it for 9 years. Ah, the memories.

5) While I don't especially like snakes, spiders or rats, it's cockroaches that would have me running and shrieking.

6) I love snow! Living in southeast Louisiana, we only see a couple of flakes every decade or so, but when I lived in the D.C. area, I loved making snow angels during my lunch break. Then I'd return to my cubicle and admire my handiwork from the 6th floor window.

7) My handwriting changes with my mood. I try to keep my signature consistent for obvious reasons, but my penmanship varies widely. If I had criminal tendencies, I'd be a master forger. Fortunately, I'm too honest for that.

8) My mom and dad disagreed on what to name me. My mom liked the name "Dixie Lee" (why, oh why, mother?). Actually if I recall correctly, that was Bing Crosby's wife's name. My dad thought it sounded like a stripper's name. I have to back him up on that. :-) It very well might have been the only disagreement with my mother that he ever won.

So there you have it. I'm not going to tag anyone specifically since many of you already read Deena's blog and she already tagged you. However, if you want to play along, create a post on your blog and leave me a comment letting me know to check it out.

5 Unusual Facts About Me

I've been tagged by Lala! (Click here to view her blog: Insight into Lala's World) Her meme is called "Five Weird Things About Me" but I don't know that I'm interesting enough to come up with anything truly weird. (I'm pretty "white bread", y' know?) But here we go:

1) I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. This is a problem for me because, let's face it, at my age, I'm probably more than halfway through my life expectancy. I better get a move on! Seriously, if I could have any job/career in the world right now - forget the fact that I lack the skills - I think I would like to be in construction. (This is an improvement from the days when I wanted to be an actress. I'm talking a hundred years ago.)

About the construction job. I don't necessarily want to the be the one on the roof baking in the hot sun pouring my blood, sweat and tears (wait - contruction folk don't cry, do they?) into building a beautiful home - that I can't afford - only to have some snooty rich people enjoy the fruits of my labor. But I would love to know how to do electrical wiring, plumbing, etc., buy a home, fix it up, sell it and move on to the next.

2) I'm a bit obsessive-compulsive. This is *not* an official diagnosis, mind you. But there are times when I'm working on something and I have such an overwhelming need for "closure" that I really can't focus on anything else. This is - in part - why I drive Dear Hubby nuts. He also secretly thinks it's one of my better traits. I tend to finish what I'm working on before he even has to get involved. It's disorienting to him at times. He's returned home from work on more than one occasion to find entire rooms a different color than when he left in the morning.

3) People think I'm "organized" and "efficient." Which I am. In part because of item #2 above. In part because of the ADHD (being organized is a management tool in coping with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). I know these folks mean it as a compliment, but please DON'T call me organized or efficient. I HATE it!!! Really, does anything sound more ... boring? For one day, I'd like to be the flighty, artistic type.

4) I have 3 sons. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by not having a daughter. I've never wished for one. To those of you that have them (hi, Mom), that's great. I think I prefer boys because I was pretty much a girly-girl growing up, so this whole 'snips and snails and puppy dog tails' was - and sometimes still is - pretty foreign to me. They're an adventure.

5) I'm borrowing this one from Lala, because it's so completely me too. (Either we're both weird, girlfriend, or it's not as odd as we thought.) If I have multiple foods on my plate, I eat them one at a time. For example, I'll eat every single pea before I take a single bite of mashed potatoes (except I won't eat the peas that have touched the mashed potatoes and vice versa). I start from least favorite, saving the best for last. I really need to switch that. I'd probably eat less and maybe lose the weight that's annoying me. And if it's a food item that's supposed to be mixed - say a vegetable medley - I'll eat all of one type of veggie before moving on to the next. I've never thought about the reason why. I just gotta be me! :-)

I'm tagging the following fellow bloggers, in case they'd like to play along:
* Jules
* Insurance Mom

50 More Random Musings

I'm having a bit of a writer's block, so here are some random musings...

1. My favorite color is red.
2. I'm dieting - again. This is unusual since it seems that I only diet in months containing the letter 'r'.
3. I don't dress my age. I've blogged about this.
4. On a related note, my mother dresses me. I think I've blogged about this as well. My mom, bless her heart, is a mall rat and is always buying stuff for me on sale.
5. I like shopping for home improvement stuff as much as I like shopping for cosmetics, shoes and handbags. I don't like to shop for jeans (see #2).
6. I was baptized six years ago.
7. I love chocolate.
8. I make beaded jewelry (I've blogged about this, too.)
9. I love my three boys. Four, if you count their dad.
10. I never wished for a girl.
11. I like 80's music
12. I probably know the theme song to every stupid sitcom from the 70's.
13. I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, for which I do not take medication. I haven't ruled it out for the future, but as a stay-home mom, I don't find that it's necessary. Son#1 also has ADHD.
14. I have light brown eyes. I think brown eyes is a dominant trait, yet all 3 of my boys have their dad's blue eyes (recessive trait).
15. I have dark brown hair. How dark depends on how well I'm hiding the increasing number of gray strands. Dark hair is another dominant trait. My three boys inherited their dad's dark blond hair (another recessive trait).
16. When I'm with my kids, I look like the nanny. Remember the old Sesame Street song, "One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just isn't the same." That would be me.
17. Since my kids didn't inherit my dominant genes, I hope they inherit my coronary arteries.
18. My favorite TV Show is 'Grey's Anatomy'. I also like 'Lost' but the second season started to bore me.
19. I'm a night owl. So is Son#1. He and I stay up late on weeknights (during the summer) and watch reruns of 'Seinfeld', 'Becker', 'Frasier' and 'Yes, Dear'. Thankfully so much of it is over Son#1's head.
20. The ages of my friends range from 26 to 81. No kidding.
21. I like to browse eBay. I scan the auctions, but also some of the discussion boards.
22. I like blogging more than I thought I would.
23. I once decided my kitchen was a mess and instead of cleaning the stove, I repainted the entire room.
24. My master bathroom is a mess. Rather than cleaning the toilet, tomorrow I think I'll replace the faucet in the sink.
25. I shouldn't play favorites, but I really enjoy the company of our greyhound more than I do our beagle. The greyhound is very mellow, the beagle is very hyper.
26. I sometimes think I ruined Son#3. He's the first one I've stayed home with since birth and boy, is he a handful! My other two who were in daycare at least part time when they were babies turned out just fine (so far - knock wood).
27. I didn't watch 'Ally McBeal' often when it was on TV, but I did see one episode where she said that everyone should pick a theme song. I can't remember what hers was - something empowering, I think. My theme song would be 'Fat Bottom Girls' by Queen.
28. Speaking of songs, 'Kung Fu Fighting' - who can NOT smile when that stupid song comes on?
29. I'm very detail-oriented. Would that be anal-retentive or obsessive-compulsive?
30. I love to sing. I stink at it. No kidding. I took voice lessons for a time - just for fun. My vocal coach, a former broadway actress, said that I had good range and great lung capacity. "It's too bad you just don't have a good voice...." We both got a laugh.
31. I don't like to dance. I stink at it, too.
32. I've lived in Louisiana, Michigan and Virginia.
33. I've never been outside North America. I've been to Canada twice (Niagara Falls and Windsor) and Cancun eight times (before it became a spring break destination).
34. I have a bachelors in Communications and a masters in Organizational Development.
35. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
36. My alma mater, George Mason University, made it to the Final Four this year. I don't really like basketball.
37. I have no tattoos. I've considered getting one, but I'm pretty fickle. I'd love it today and hate it tomorrow.
38. I've worn pantyhose twice in four and a half years.
39. Other than for the births of my three babies (I've blogged two out of three), I've never been hospitalized.
40. I was a late bloomer.
41. Someday, I'd like to visit Scotland and the Tuscan Region of Italy.
42. I drink way too much Diet Coke, and not enough water.
43. I hate cockroaches.
44. I have excellent hearing. Sometimes it comes in handy, like when I can hear the mail truck a block away and I'm reminded to run out and put my bills in the mailbox. (hey ~d, Norbert is back on our route). Other times my bionic ears can be a nuisance.
45. I come from a small family (one living parent, one sibling) and we're scattered across the country.
46. I'm not athletic, but I'm handy around the house when it comes to assembling furniture, and fixing things.
47. I love gardening. I have a black thumb.
48. Besides being a night owl, I'm also a bit of an insomniac. I just read an article that talks about how insomnia can exacerbate the symptoms of ADHD.
49. I'm having trouble with the whole 'love thy neighbor' concept. At least literally. The neighbors two doors down drive me nuts.
50. I'm very nearsighted. So is Son#1. I wear contacts, he wears glasses.

If I Could Change One Thing About Myself...

Someone posed that question to me recently: If I could change one thing about myself, I think I would like to learn to relax more and worry less (that doesn't really count as two things, does it? They DO go hand-in-hand, after all).

I tend to put way too much pressure on myself. Perhaps it's because as a stay-home mom, I have relatively little pressure. Really. Other than having the coordinate the schedule of five people, which isn't really difficult for a Type-A person like me (thank you, Palm Pilot!), I don't have any real demands on my time.

That said, I volunteer for various things and the way I get myself worked up, you'd think I was negotiating a peace treaty to end nuclear weaponry. I beat myself up over the teensiest mistakes. Hello, I'm a volunteer! Sure, I want to do a nice job, but my livelihood doesn't depend on it! Don't like the job I'm doing? Fire me! Truth is, no one seems to notice the little faux pas. Yet in my mind, they're disasters.

Which leads me to Part B: I wish I cared less about what others - particularly strangers - think. I used to not give a rat's ass what people thought. When did that change? Why couldn't I have found a 'happy medium'?

Someone (okay, a therapist) once suggested it's the classic behavior of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. We slip into people-pleaser mode to gain the approval of strangers since we were never quite able to attain it from the people we needed it the most. Uh oh! Apparently the Immodium kicked in. Is this the start of ... emotional diarrhea? Signing off now!

Emotionally Constipated

Emotionally Constipated. That's me. I realized that when I read a very deep, personal post by a fellow blogger (and friend before blogs). Which begs the question: what do about it - if anything?